What Are the Pros and Cons of Being a Geo-Bachelor?

PROS: INDEPENDENCE. FOCUS. FINANCES. APPLICATION. COMMUNICATION.
CONS: UNCERTAINTY. TRAVEL. INTIMACY. COMMUNICATION.

I am almost certain there are articles that present research based stats/figures as to what the cost and benefit of living separate from your spouse are or could be. This is not one of those articles. My pros and cons are strictly experience-based, from my own personal archive of experiences. Feel free to share your own in the comments!

I'll start with the positive aspects of geo-bachelordom <-- that's not a word:

• Independence. The great philosopher, Webbie, once said, "I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T do you know what that mean, mayne?". He's actually not a philosopher. He's a rapper. The lyrics to that song resonate with how I feel about myself though. Maybe not ALL the lyrics to that song...don't judge me. Moving on. Being a married woman who lives apart from her husband has definitely engaged my independent side MUCH more. I can and do do things for myself and by myself more often than not. I ask Brian for nothing because I can physically and financially take care of myself. That DOES NOT mean Brian doesn't provide or take care of me. He does. He's a giving unselfish man *cough* most days *cough*, but I don't NEED him to do or buy things for me. The same goes in reverse. We're both very much capable of functioning without the other. That sounds bad, but it's true. Don't read too much into it. All I'm saying is we can handle life without the other's physical and financial assistance. Now if you're worried about how we will coalesce once we do cohabitate, don't worry. We will judiciously utilize the power of compromise. If that doesn't work, he'll just do what I say. KIDDING!! *smug sideways grin*
• Focus. When Brian is not around I am SO. MUCH. MORE. PRODUCTIVE. Now this may be a 'con' of the geo-bachelor life because I feel like I'm less productive when I see him because all I want to do is spend every single second with him, but we're in the pro section so let me continue on that note. My productivity is amazing when Brian isn't around. I workout more. I work more. I'm more focused on my work and completing tasks.  I'm sure this will change and I will be able to be as productive and focused as I am with or without Brian around, but such is my life now. I also feel that my absence helps him stay focused on his flight school studies. Primarily because I'm not trying to make him scratch my back or spend time with me 24/7. When I visit him, I imagine [and can verify], he studies less. In conclusion, I think my absence benefits his test scores.
• Finances. Due to the fact Brian and I both work, our finances are not stressed. We are able to operate our budgets separate from one another. All this means is we can sustain our lifestyles, independent of the other's finances, solely because I am working in VA.
• Application. This is a HUGE pro for me. I spent the majority of my life in school. The usual K-12th grade years, 4 years for undergrad #1, 2 years for undergrad #2, and 2 years for my Masters. All that time in school and by golly, I want to apply it and get paid for it!! My certifications in Personal Training and Group Exercise offer me "side hustle" potential so that I ALWAYS have options, but I prefer working in the fields where my degrees are relevant and applicable. In VA I'm guaranteed that ability.
• Communication. This is on the con list too, but as for it being a pro..our communication has improved tremendously. We talk daily and have figured out better ways to communicate with one another. For example, Brian is a terrible texter. I used to get extremely offended and upset when he wouldn't respond or would take 8452894382 hours to reply. He now tries to respond to my text or at least acknowledge them and I'm less offended because I know he's busy with work, napping, working out or he really is ignoring me but will apologize later. If I really want to talk to him or share something important I know to email or call him. On the other end, I used to fall asleep on the phone or zone out and not listen to him. That irked him, and rightfully so. He now knows the signs of my tiredness and I know it's best to speak for only 5 min even if I wish we could talk longer. Quality over quantity on that one. It's not exact rocket science, but it's helped make each of us more excepting of how the other best communicates and remains engaged. I still get annoyed at times as does he, but we're growing our communication skills and that's a beautiful thing.

Moving on to the drawbacks of this lifestyle:

• Uncertainty. I'm typically never certain of the next time we'll see each other. We try to make it happen as often as possible but it really hinges on when I have enough saved up leave to get away OR he gets approval. It's one of the biggest issues we face when trying to see one another. We make it work, but it's proven extremely difficult to navigate a couple times.
• Travel. Now B and I both enjoy traveling BUT paying to see one another gets old after awhile. Especially flying in/out of Pensacola, FL. Small airport = bigger price tag to get/leave there. We do it and it doesn't kill us but it'll be nice when we don't have to fork out that money to see one another.
• Intimacy. I'm not going into excess detail here, but this encompasses more than just physical intimacy, people. It's emotional intimacy as well. Lucky for us, neither of us ranks 'Physical Touch' extremely high on our Love Language totem poles. If that were the case, I imagine this lifestyle would be harder to manage. It is hard not being able to be as intimate with one another as we'd like. I'm sure you can relate if you have a significant other that you haven't been able to see or touch in awhile. It's hard to not be able to hug or cuddle when all you know the other one needs is some reassurance more than just words over the phone. For us, touch is an automatic conflict diffuser/defuser?! It doesn't make the conflict go away but it does help soften us each up so that we're better able to communicate through the conflict. For example (and this is a VERY trivial one), Brian accidentally dried my LulaRoe leggings in the dryer. If you have LLR leggings and have done this before, you know this takes away the buttery feeling that makes them so well-loved. I know he didn't mean to mess them up, he didn't know any better, he was trying to help by doing the laundry AND he apologized, but I still mentally wanted to roundhouse kick him...Mortal Combat style. He then hugged me and gave me a kiss on the forehead. IMMEDIATELY, all I mentally wanted to do is flick him in the Adam's apple. Conflict defused. He still owes me a pair of leggings though. I haven't forgotten, Brian Edward.  Also violence is never the answer. I don't condone it. I'm just speaking my truths here. I realize I mentally overreacted. I do that sometimes.  
• Communication. While our communication has gotten better, it's not perfect. Text messages don't convey tone and phone calls don't convey body language. I MUCH prefer face to face communication with B, but it's not possible often, even when we try. We primarily talk when one or the other is driving too/from work or at night. Brian prefers to stay up late and sleep in. I opt for the 4 am wake up and 9 pm bedtime. While we only have an hr time difference, it matters. In the year that we've been living in separate states, I can count on one hand the amount of times we've done Skype/Google Hangout sessions. The struggle is real. Not THAT real, but I mean it's really annoying sometimes.  

So for us, the pros outweigh the cons. I didn't get Brian's opinion on this so he or I will comment those below sometime soon. Again, feel free to comment with your own experiences, advice and tips. I'd love to hear them!!

 

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